Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I am puke
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
