dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
