How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
And then my night got REAL pukey
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
