He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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