if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
