Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She bit a glass in half.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
