Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize