There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
