lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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