'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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