'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
