Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
