so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I want to have your abortion
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
