I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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