So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just want nice things and good sex
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
