Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
