Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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