1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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