"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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