The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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