Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
