Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
