According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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