So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
