i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
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why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
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But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Dear god my vagina.
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