I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
