you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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