Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
