My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
