they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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