i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
