i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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