Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
