you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The air was thick with penises
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
