some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
