3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
