just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
