You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
