I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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