I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Randomize
