Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
