i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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