I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
