The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
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I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
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I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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