i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
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