I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Shame - the story of my life.
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