she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
