Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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