I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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