ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
