I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
