Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
