literally had 100 drinks last night.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
