I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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