I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
