you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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