I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
