I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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