You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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