I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
