i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize