i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
