it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
