Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
