Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
