Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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