We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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