We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
