it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
