i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
