dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
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