Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
