i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
