the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
