go do what you do best...puke behind churches
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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