so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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