Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
