Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
