my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
