Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(858): View more from California

My sheets look like a crime scene.

Fav 9 1119 1278
share tweet
(303): View more from Colorado

I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.

Fav 166 32842 2468
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(516): View more from New York

I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.

Fav 8 1907 744
share tweet
(917): View more from New York City

Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?

Fav 15 833 2987
share tweet
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Read it at the TFLN blog
(203): View more from Connecticut

I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.

Fav 290 63766 5366
share tweet
(401): View more from Rhode Island

5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now

Fav 18 2488 2056
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.

Fav 10 2879 990
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(479): View more from Arkansas

The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.

Fav 2 736 503
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(314): View more from Missouri

We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.

Fav 0 48 6
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT