its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize