Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.