Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped