My sheets look like a crime scene.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
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Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.