i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.