Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
