Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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