a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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