you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
