This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
